{"id":806,"date":"2011-03-29T17:58:16","date_gmt":"2011-03-29T22:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writing.wisc.edu\/blog\/?p=806"},"modified":"2011-04-19T08:19:22","modified_gmt":"2011-04-19T13:19:22","slug":"a-graduate-education","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dept.writing.wisc.edu\/blog\/a-graduate-education\/","title":{"rendered":"A Graduate Education"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

This week my shift at the writing center will be bitter sweet. I’m finishing
\nmy work on two dissertations and a master’s thesis. In my work at the
\nwriting center, I’m a bit of a graduate student junkie. In fact I probably
\nspend way too much writing center time with graduate students and not nearly
\nenough slogging away in the trenches of business school applications and
\nliterary analysis papers. However, when I started working at the writing
\ncenter the last thing that I wanted was to work with a graduate student. I
\ndidn’t want to constantly deal with my intellectual insecurities and risk
\nhighlighting all of the things that I didn’t know that I thought I should.
\nHow was I supposed to help someone finish a dissertation when I was so far
\nfrom the thinker and writer I wanted to be? \"Lost<\/p>\n

In my mind working with graduate
\nstudents, particularly ones finishing their dissertations, could only result
\nin them not getting the help they wanted and me getting a bruised or
\nbattered ego in the process. I was pretty certain that I made it as far as
\nI did in graduate school on my fast-talking, wily distraction tactics, and
\nlots of nodding, so I was ill equipped to help others. By avoiding
\ndissertators and hiding myself in conferences with the comfortable security
\nof several kinds of power disparities on my side I could protect myself, and
\nthose I was helping, from facing all the things I didn’t know. That is until
\nMelissa found out.<\/p>\n

\nI was matched with a graduate student that was far along in his
\nprocess. He was on the job market, finishing a dissertation, writing a
\ngrant, and several conference papers in a scientific field. All I could
\nthink was how little I could help him with this swirl of textual production
\nso far outside of my expertise. As our work progressed he kept apologizing
\nfor his weaknesses and the things he didn’t know and gaps he was afraid I
\nwould call him out on. One day during our session I suddenly realized that
\nthese moves weren’t just modest gestures, but that he was legitimately
\nafraid that someone would discover that he was a fake, too. That he too had made
\nit this far and didn’t know the things that he thought he should. Then I did
\nsomething that was brilliantly stupid, I told him the truth. I told him that
\nI sat there in awe thinking about how I was going to get to the point that
\nhe was at in his understanding of his content area when I just keep eking by
\nin my own. He stared at me blinking for an awkwardly long time. Then he
\nsmiled, shook his head and said he had the exact same fears. Our sessions
\nwere more productive after this point because we talked to one another, not
\nthrough our disciplinary differences, but from a common understanding of our
\ninsecurities as emerging scholars.<\/p>\n

\nSince that semester I have worked with dissertators in physics, theater,
\nhistory, political science, geography, art history, engineering,
\nagricultural chemistry, and toxicology as well as masters projects in
\nsociology, geography and micro-biology. My relationships with some of these
\nwriters have spanned many years of my own graduate work and others I have
\nonly seen a few months. With each of these relationships I have tried to
\nbring the honesty and candor I found in midway through my first long term
\nconsulting collaboration and I believe that this has allowed my graduate
\nstudents to teach me much more than they learned from me. The graduate
\nstudents I have worked with have given me quite an education. While I can
\nnow have reasonably coherent conversations about theoretical physics or
\nEmpiralist Russian photography, the content has not been nearly as important
\nas the comradery and commonality. I have realized that the first several times through any project are really journeys to explain something to yourself.<\/p>\n

I learned that a significant milestone in a person’s professional development is when they understand their project well enough to explain it to anyone, including me. However, I also learned that this is not a sudden understanding, but a long process of honest reflective interrogation and struggle. There will be days of confidence and days that are filled with gut wrenching doubt where you think your project is stupid. This cycle doesn’t end although the anxiety that is at root might shift and change. With this in mind my primary job for many of my graduate student clients is to help them be patient with themselves and use their frustrations with their failings in productive ways and remind them that if they can’t get themselves to write a single thing we can still talk about where they are in their work. However, the role that I fill for them gives me access to a wealth of experience about how to engage with my own process with patience and perspective. They have taught me I don’t, and won’t, know everything I would like to or need to know. But even more importantly they have taught me that I am not alone in that struggle.<\/p>\n

\nThe conversations I have had with my graduate student clients at the writing
\ncenter show me how uniquely positioned the writing center is within the
\ncampus as a whole. Our writing center is the only place on our large campus
\nwhere we, as graduate students, have the opportunity to have a conversation
\noutside of our need to prove ourselves to our disciplinary peers or advisors
\nand we all need that opportunity. It is a space that supports conversations
\nabout intellectual and professional development that works in parallel, but
\ndoes not replace, discipline specific conversations. These conversations have
\nbeen invaluable to me being a little more honest with myself about where I
\nam as a scholar and the nature of the work that lies ahead. However, the
\nthings that I have gained were only possible because of the honesty and
\nvulnerability of the people that I have had the honor to work with and learn
\nfrom. As odd as it might seem I needed to get a little lost and confused in
\nsomeone else’s work to get reoriented in relation to my own. Who would have
\nthought that learning about street front theater in the 1960s or monkfish
\ncellular responses to toxins was what I needed to get a doctorate in
\nEnglish? I certainly didn’t, but it was what I needed.<\/p>\n

\nAs I said at the beginning of this post, at the end of this week I will be
\nconcluding working with two very smart and kind dissortators that I have
\nbeen learning from for the last two years as well as concluding a yearlong
\nconversation with a deeply reflective and thoughtful masters student. These
\nare the last of my overlapping sequence of graduate writers I have worked
\nwith over the last three years. While I am a little sad to see them move on,
\nI am mostly grateful for all the things they, and their predecessors, have
\ntaught me about being patient and vigilant in engaging the process of
\nbecoming a thinker and researcher. I am a better reader and writer because
\nof them, but, even more importantly, I know that I am not alone when I doubt
\nmyself and that I too can, and will, finish what I started thanks to their example.<\/p>\n

\"Ginger
Ginger and Mustafa, one of the final three, at the writing center<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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